Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
