An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
