how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
