Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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