She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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