I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
