I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
