My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
