I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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