What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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