when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
