we have officially lost it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
