somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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