"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
