YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
