Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
