Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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