do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
