I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
