And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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