I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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