Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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