I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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