im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
