I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
