Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
