you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
