Do you still have your period?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
