I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it because I queefed?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
