my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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