Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
