Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
