I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
