so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
