Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The adults are the big ones right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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