The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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