Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
