i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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