Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
