I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
