white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
