im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
