so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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