I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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