Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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