I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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