ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
