Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
