There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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