Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
