You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
