omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
