If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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