Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love having hate sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
