Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
